Doctor, Doctor

I got sick last week. It started with a sore throat within hours my head was pounding and I was running 103 temperature. Not fun. I waited a day or so, thinking I could tough it out, but ended up going to the doctor. However, by this time the fever was gone and other than a red throat, I didn’t really have any proof of my illness. The doc tested me for a few things and promptly decided it was just a “little virus” that didn’t need any medication.

Later that same day, my roommate Sarah went to the same clinic with the same symptoms. She left with a shot in the arm and a diagnosis of strep throat. When I called my mom to tell her this story our conversation went something like this:

Mom- Well Lindsay are you jealous?
Me- Yeah, kind of.
Mom- So you’re saying you wish you had strep throat?
Me- No, Mom. I just wish I had something, you know? So I could have left with some medicine and not the ‘you’re not sick so quit being a baby’ look.
Mom- She didn’t give you that look, and obviously something was wrong. You don’t run that high of a fever for no reason.
Me- No, nothing’s wrong, just a run of the mill, no need for a doctor kind of virus. And you weren’t there, she totally gave me that look.
Mom- I think someone is being a little dramatic.

The more I thought about this later that night, I realized that though I was trying to be a little funny, the essence of it is true. I wanted to be sick, I wanted a diagnosis of something “substantial.” Basically, I wanted validation. I wanted the doctor to validate how crummy I felt, because then it would be ok to feel that way.

I do this in a lot of areas in my life. I look for validation from others, I look to be told that I’m a good worker, daughter, girlfriend, friend. When in reality I know I am, or at least I try my best to be. But sometimes I let myself get so caught up in the words of others or lack there of.

I’m not saying encouragement isn't important; believe me I am all about some words of affirmation. I just think it’s interesting, or frustrating rather, that I so easily forget where I should be seeking my true validation. And that if I find my identity in Him, therein lies all the validity I’ll ever need.

Note: I’d like to take this time to note what a trooper my sweet boyfriend was during this illness. He brought flowers, medicine, and sherbet, didn’t think it was weird that I always cry when I get sick, and took me to the doctor. Plus, he didn’t even care when I accidentally wiped snot on his shoulder.