Monday, October 5, 2009
Later that same day, my roommate Sarah went to the same clinic with the same symptoms. She left with a shot in the arm and a diagnosis of strep throat. When I called my mom to tell her this story our conversation went something like this:
Mom- Well Lindsay are you jealous?
Me- Yeah, kind of.
Mom- So you’re saying you wish you had strep throat?
Me- No, Mom. I just wish I had something, you know? So I could have left with some medicine and not the ‘you’re not sick so quit being a baby’ look.
Mom- She didn’t give you that look, and obviously something was wrong. You don’t run that high of a fever for no reason.
Me- No, nothing’s wrong, just a run of the mill, no need for a doctor kind of virus. And you weren’t there, she totally gave me that look.
Mom- I think someone is being a little dramatic.
The more I thought about this later that night, I realized that though I was trying to be a little funny, the essence of it is true. I wanted to be sick, I wanted a diagnosis of something “substantial.” Basically, I wanted validation. I wanted the doctor to validate how crummy I felt, because then it would be ok to feel that way.
I do this in a lot of areas in my life. I look for validation from others, I look to be told that I’m a good worker, daughter, girlfriend, friend. When in reality I know I am, or at least I try my best to be. But sometimes I let myself get so caught up in the words of others or lack there of.
I’m not saying encouragement isn't important; believe me I am all about some words of affirmation. I just think it’s interesting, or frustrating rather, that I so easily forget where I should be seeking my true validation. And that if I find my identity in Him, therein lies all the validity I’ll ever need.
Note: I’d like to take this time to note what a trooper my sweet boyfriend was during this illness. He brought flowers, medicine, and sherbet, didn’t think it was weird that I always cry when I get sick, and took me to the doctor. Plus, he didn’t even care when I accidentally wiped snot on his shoulder.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Lately, I’ve just been in awe of His love. I wish I could say that is something I’m always aware of, but often I go through life so focused on myself that I don’t stop to see anything around me. However, the past week or so I’ve consistently been reminded of what a loving God He is. I’m seeing his love give hope to friends that are hurting and I’m becoming more aware of how perfect and precise his timing is. I think my favorite of all is the realization of how steady this love is. How it is a love we can rest on without condition.
As I start this Fall, my new beginning, I hope that I’m able to carry this awareness of His love with me…and in turn, that I’m able to imitate it. I hope that you, my friends, can carry it with you as well. And know that you are loved.
Once upon a time, or rather six months ago, I met a boy. We started dating and it’s been great. He’s amazing, really. He’s kind and funny, sweet and patient, and incredibly talented. Did I mention cute? Plus he can do really quick math in his head. I’m a lucky girl.
My sweet, sweet nephews are home and doing so well. They’re six and half months old and are as cute as can be. I love being an aunt and can’t wait to see them again.
It’s been a great year. I'm excited for the rest of it. :)
*I hope you too are singing that Whitesnake song.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I’m back. It’s been a while, I know, and I’m sure all you avid readers are relieved. Ok, my mom and Courtney are. Quite a bit has been going on in my life…new job, new people, I got a hair cut. But by far the most exciting thing I have to report is that on March 12, 2009 at a little after 11am, I became an aunt!
The boys arrived much earlier than expected and the last 12 days have been some of the most trying my family has ever experienced. I won’t go into all the details but I am so happy to report that the babies are doing well. They’re fighting with every bit of their little 2.4lb might and giving us all new reasons to celebrate daily.
I’ve never been more aware of how great our God is and of how small my faith can be sometimes. Against all odds, He’s been faithful to us, answering prayer after prayer…and sending people to love on my family. People to pray, people to encourage, people just to listen. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so thankful for the body of Christ, for the church.
Speaking of family, I’ve always said my brother is one of my heroes. So, I guess it only makes sense that he would end up with someone equally as incredible as his wife. Physically Ashley’s been through so much, and I can’t even begin to think emotionally. But she‘s handled everything with such courage and grace. I couldn’t be more proud to know her, much less call her my sister.
It’s been a bit surreal but exciting to see my baby brother become a father. Casey is probably the most transparent person I know, so it’s easy to see how completely he loves the boys. He’s doubted his strength in the past 12 days, but I couldn’t disagree more. There’s a certain strength in being real, in asking for help, and in realizing that you can’t handle things alone. One day the boys will realize how lucky they are to have him for a Dad.
Nearly every question doctors have had or tests that have been ran have come back with good news. They’re little hearts are healing, their lungs are growing, they’re eating more and depending on the ventilator less. We know there’s a long road ahead but I have every reason to believe that in 10 short (or extremely long) weeks, I’ll be camped out in Casey and Ashley’s guest bedroom holding my nephews as much as is physically possible.
Now friends, without further ado, I’m estatic to introduce you to the two most precious and perfect baby boys on the face of this earth. Please meet Luke Evan and Jackson Hodges Beals…
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
At the (absolutely and completely fantastic) Kings of Leon show, there was a guy behind us that was really getting into it. There’s a chance that he may have been slightly inebriated…and by slightly, I mean totally. He was screaming his heart out. It was as if this was the show he had waited his entire life for, and maybe it was. However, this charming man became the person of discussion as Sarah Mac, Erin, and I walked back to the car that night…and this question was soon posed: Who do you have to see in concert before you (or they) die?
I’ve been thinking on this for a while now. There are a lot of artists I’d love to see for the first time: U2, Snow Patrol, Jump Little Children (after they reunited, of course), Keane, Patty Griffin, The Police, Lionel, Britney, etc. And artists I’d love to see again: John, Coldplay, Kings of Leon, etc. But there is one who trumps everyone. One ring to rule them all…
I’ve been a fan of Michael Jackson since the release of Thriller in 1982. I was almost two years old and my wise mother bought me a t-shirt with the special edition album cover on the front and my name in fuzzy letters on the back. I loved this shirt* and never wanted to take it off. (My mom thinks I’m making this up, but I remember.) It is still, and will always remain, my favorite article of clothing.
There’s just something about Michael’s music that I love. Something that made me learn the lyrics to "PYT" probably before I should have, and made me save my allowance to buy the Dangerous cassette the day it came out. There is a reason that the videos for “Black or White” and “Remember the Time” premiered on primetime tv. He is undoubtedly the King of Pop and the person I need to see in concert before one of us is gone.
I can just imagine seeing him perform. Well, in my imagination I’ve got a front row seat and he’s the Michael of the 80s. Regardless, it will be phenomenal. I’ll cry during “Will You Be There.” Who am I kidding? I’ll cry during “The Way You Make Me Feel.”
There are rumors of a new album and world tour in 2009. This is just another reason that ’09 is shaping up to be my year…but details on that are for another day, another post.
So, now friends, I want to know…who’s your Michael?
*Note: While home over Thanksgiving I tried to locate said shirt. My mom seems to have forgotten where she “stored” it. If it isn’t found over Christmas there is a chance that we won’t be speaking for a long, long time. Mom, I know you’re reading this. Please don’t take it as a threat, just a reminder from your loving daughter.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
There’s a lyric from a song on Keane’s new album that’s been rolling around in my head for the past few days. “And love is just our way of looking out for ourselves when we don’t want to live alone.” I don’t know what the band meant by this, but I know it’s caused me to think.
Is that true? Do we love just to be loved? As I stop and think about this desire I have to be good at love, I wonder if it has less to do with living like Christ and more to do with me. I have this idea of the person I want to be, of the reputation I want to have. And I’ve always sort of lived by a “fake it till you make it” philosophy. In doing so I take a lot of things into my own hands…and well, usually screw them up...with the best intentions of course. And I wonder if I’m doing that again.
I know my desire to be good at love is genuine, but maybe I’m going about it all wrong. Maybe forcing myself to react in ways I think I “should” or extend grace when I’d rather scream, isn’t the way to go. Perhaps this the kind of love that Keane is talking about. Loving others for my sake. But that can’t be lasting, right? Or real.
In reality shouldn't my focus should be on learning to love God more, learning to love what He loves…and in turn learning to love who He loves, how He loves? Maybe now, I'm on to something...
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
This summer during an all too rare day of sitting by the pool with Sarah Mo and Sarah Mac, we started talking about Coldplay’s upcoming tour. Granted I’m a fan of the band, but I wasn’t too keen on buying a ticket, after all, I’m pretty partial to my arm and leg. However, after being assured that the concert would “change my life.” I gave in.
The concert was last week. I still can’t stop talking about it. I’m starting to annoy myself. It was simply phenomenal. Somehow Coldplay managed to make a huge area with a sold out crowd feel like a cozy, club setting. It wasn’t flashy or over the top, but it was done well. Very well. There were moments where I wished I could open my eyes just a little wider, to take it all in. The music was amazing. The most incredible part is that I left feeling appreciated. I left knowing that Coldplay was happy, grateful even, that I was there. I have no doubt that they are genuinely nice people, don’t try to convince me otherwise. I also left with an increased love and admiration for my friends who were there with me. I wanted to keep saying “I’m so glad I got to share this with you.” But then I was nervous that if I did I might lose some of my street cred.
This year marks my second season of being a Vanderbilt University Men’s Basketball Season Ticket Holder. VUMBSTH for short. I was raised on college basketball and the older I get the more I enjoy it. I’m not sure there’s a better sector of sport out there. Being a UK fan, I’m partial to the SEC…so last year when I heard how ridiculously cheap Vandy season tickets were, I couldn’t say no. I lucked out and got to see one of the best seasons in the school’s history. I’m excited to see what happens this year…and even more excited to be going with a group of great girls.
I think my favorite thing about sports in general is the camaraderie between fans. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you’ve come from…there’s just an affection that wells up in your heart when you’re cheering for the same team. There’s an unspoken understanding that you’re in this together, you feel the same joys and pains, you laugh and boo, you scream and hug. For those few moments you forget that it’s just a game, that you’re complete strangers, and you’re free to act ridiculous…in unison.
So, welcome College Basketball Season, welcome. We’ve missed you.